lots of tv

Speaking of ‘The Bachelor’, NBC’s ‘Average Joe’ is my latest reality television fetish. In case you haven’t been with the times, ‘Average Joe’ is the [whoa a really hot older pilot just smiled at me. i’m writing in an airport.] answer to all those reality shows where the men are all really impossibly hot (or at least sort of good looking in a conventional cheesy way) and all have jobs in Investment Banking or Management Consulting or Being The Heir To The Firestone Fortune.

So yes, a crop of “average joes” vie for the attention of one Melana Scantlin, who has also been on at least one other reality tv show. It’s a funny group, which must be at least 50% scripted because there’s the attractive jerk who smashes an egg on some poor guy’s head in the first show, the geek who always ends up being ‘just friends’, and the moron who tries to trash talk everyone who’s a threat. Oh and the 21-year-old professor of artificial intelligence who speaks like a 50-year-old professor giving a lecture, who approached Melana with the best line of the year: “So.. do you like broccoli?”

Over the fast few weeks, Melana has trimmed the field down by going on group dates, blahblahblah if you’ve seen one show you’ve seen them all. The guys have made me laugh, both at their jokes and their sheer incompetence. Two weeks ago, when NBC promised a SHOCKING TWIST, it turned out to be a rather expected twist of bringing in three (supposedly) hot models to compete with the three Joes left: a Joe Millionaire look-alike, a guy so hot even Melana thought he was gay (leading to another priceless moment where Melana asked the poor guy if he was gay or bi), and a scary-looking latin lover type. All of whom have occupations like Waiter or Model.

Last week Melana dropped Mr. Latin Lover, who was a bit creepy on the first date when he said he waited for his soon-to-be-ex girlfriend to come home by camping out on her front step for six hours. She also dropped the rather pathetic John who awkwardly performed his opera arias and proclaimed his true love for her.

But next week — oh I can’t wait for next week!! It’s not so much a SHOCKING TWIST as it is a moment of absolutely stunning hilarity. I could not stop laughing at the preview. Apparently they are bringing on Melana’s cousin who is a rather unattractive overweight woman to help her weed out her suitors. But this cousin is actually a pretty girl in a fat suit and a fake face! So get this — she gets to RIP OFF HER FACE at some point in the episode, a la Mission Impossible.

Reality TV is amazing in its sheer unreality.


I got really excited last week during the finale of Fox’s ‘The Next Joe Millionaire’ because for a moment I thought the girl he picked was going to reject him because he wasn’t actually a Millionaire! Alas, she showed up at his ranch in Texas and proclaimed his undying love, while Fox continued to subtitle her excellent english.

Another television favorite in my household is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Last week’s Toupee Incident wasn’t as good as some of the others, but the one with the Long-Haired Hippie Who Is A Taxidermist was amazing. They showed it on NBC last week, shame on you if you missed it.

Last but not least on my television viewing schedule is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It’s so good I don’t even have any comments to make about it.


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